Tomorrow I go back to school/work. My heart hurts. I can't stop crying. I love my students, and I love my job, but I want to be at home with my baby more than anything else. So I wish I was a billionaire and could. If you win the lottery and have some extra, feel free to send my way. Just kidding. Sorta. Not really.
I've been trying to write this post for days now, and just couldn't get the words out. And then I got this poem from my aunt. To say she has "a way with words" just doesn't do her poems justice.It's like she can see into my soul. She's been sending them to me since my pregnancy though I know she's been writing about topics other than Nugget/Baby Blev/Hudson for years. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this with you all, but it's easier to post what she wrote than to write it myself. I'm worn out from crying!
"My Heart in Your Heart"
Anut Kay*
Today I will put my heart in your heart
So you will know it’s only a brief time apart.
I can’t imagine I will be able to breathe
As I turn away towards the door to leave.
Make myself put one foot in front of the other.
In the car, concentrate on being a safe, connected driver.
A pull so great and longing to turn back so deep,
Fight back the tears so I can see down the street.
Get through the work day as I would normally do,
A huge difference is all I want is to talk about you.
My spirit hovering for the moment I may hear your name,
The only comfort the day can offer is your face in a frame.
Navigate through conversations with others like an adult,
Remember other subjects other than you is not an insult.
I will eventually have to forgive them for not realizing,
It won’t be long before they will know you are so amazing.
The last bell rings, got to get going, the day is finally done,
Everyone outta-my-way, yes that’s right, I’m going to run.
Rush in the door, search the room to get you in my line of sight,
Oh yes, my baby boy back in my arms, once again all is right.
Tomorrow I will once again put my heart in your heart.
*Yes, I intentionally spelled Aunt, Anut. Little inside joke.
P.S. I may have proofread & edited a bit. :) I am an English teacher after all!
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aahh, I'm so proud you like it. And yes darling girl, it is from me to you. You may share/post it if you wish.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the help/editing. Should have paid more attn in english...:/ I needed a teacher just like you. I couldn't be more proud of you and I feel so blessed you have my back. A total win, win for me...A wonderful niece and the best English teacher eva, all in one beautiful package. AND HUDSON!!!!
Good Luck tomorrow. Much love and prayers coming your way.
Oh Chels...so sorry to hear that you have to go back to work today. I so remember having to do that a year ago. I cried and cried. It took me a while to feel comfortable with the situation b/c not only was I having to leave Caroline after 6 months of being home with her but I had to also start a new job. I PROMISE that it gets better. Once you get in a routine, you'll be fine. It makes you treasure your nights and weekends so much more than you have in the past!
ReplyDeleteOh my DD (Darling Daughter) how I remember the day I left YOU to return to work just 27 short years ago. Its like it was yesterday!! So, I do understand how you feel and how your heart hurts and my heart hurts for you. After all....YOU are MY baby !!!! So proud of the woman, daughter, mother, wife, sister, teacher, friend, you have become !! You will make it through this alive...I promise. We will all help you !!! Love, Mom
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